work made me half a person.
breaking out of the cycle.
work.sleep.fuck.eat.work.drink.drink more.sleep.try to forget.being tired.stressed.bored.annoyed. not challenged. falling deeper and deeper. losing passion. stagnation. sleep. depression. lethargy.missing. freezing.sweating.cursing. wondering. listening.
i don't want to lose my cool,
all those years i went to school.
for nothing.
i do get nothing.fulfilling is just the will to change. to move on, to start again.
another bullshit refrain.
no more bonds.

ich schwanke zwischen herbst-blues und verdräng-existenzialismus, unruhe und lethargie.

holiday not in cambodia, but in israel...

SEE YOU IN DECEMBER!

back on track....song of the day "Lost" by pierced arrows

something for the adolescent heart:

Dreams we had that disappeared
Lost along the way
Pursuits we had way back when
Now they just seem gray
Friends that came and went with time
Never to return
Worlds we could not overcome
No longer our concern
(chorus) Where did they go?

Broken hearts, aching pains
Sleepless nights and more
Waiting by the telephone
Standing at the door
Never thought we'd get through that
Somehow we survived
Even in the worst of times
Love kept us alive

Whims that blew our thoughts awry
Things we couldn't change
Feelings we thought couldn't die
Seemed to just get strange
Regrets we had no second chance
Ever to repair
Don't seem so important now
No one really cares

kopf kino

schalt dich aus.
weiß jemand wo der an und ausschalter ist?
oder noch viel besser der hauptsicherungskasten?
kopfkino ich will deine filme nicht mehr sehen.
raus.

your false heroes.

Kuriosität Berlin

one last wish

"i don't want to reassure
what i want to condemn
complicity comes by so easy it scares me
its second nature to man
just look what they're calling living this year
just look what it wears
second-hand it makes no demands
while i hold what's most precious to me as it falls
but this is mine
this is my last wish
and i trust it like an instinct
anger flushes through my body
settles into my hands
doubled with a tension like wire
i only want to descend
like the rain like train when it comes leaving nothing to waste
i close my eyes
i close my eyes
and brace myself to say "yes" again and again and again
WISH"

grow up

there's always a new beginning to things.
things we thought dead, already caught up in the big depression called life.
as a matter of fact you know that life is short, but don't be stubborn and try
to force everything and everybody. there are different speeds.
i tried too hard. but failed. i tried to be patient. and succeded. once in my life.
i am always 1 2 3 forward. and you know that this is unstoppable. this feeling
that life should be so much more. BUT.
although i never will give you the chance to know. with you i feel like a mountain. once in my life. like a mountain. big, stable and with great passion for consistency. i am calm and quiet, because i don't even think about getting a response. that's the mountain in me. why not enjoying this rare moments of pure mutual understanding, this rare seconds of comforting bolts running through your venes. something's missing, i would have said. BUT.
i the mountain, once in my life, will try not to want more. there's always a new beginning to things. bigger, now i understand.